People believe that Erasmus is like a five-month bachelorette party. “Do you have a boyfriend? Oh, that’s so hard.” Meaning the “Orgasmus” experience you know? Apparently if you are coming when having a boyfriend, your relationship has an expiration date. Well, I’m going to dismantle this myth.
By the time I arrived in Budapest, I have already been in this relationship for almost three years and I trusted him, but I can’t deny that I was afraid of the distance and the troubles that it involves, such as the possibility for the relationship to „cool down“ or that the smallest problems would seem worse than they really are. I knew that we were probably going to face obstacles on the way, but I also knew that it’s necessary to learn how to overcome them. Being in a relationship shouldn’t limit your decisions, it should support all of them.
Once the Erasmus experience has begun, I realized that I was constantly surrounded by people who were making plans and going to parties. People always told me that you don’t really have time for other things during an Erasmus, although I have learnt that time is the only thing we can manage in the way we want to. This is why I think that everybody has at least some seconds for the people they love.
Is it bad to miss someone? Some people think that missing someone means staying at home eating ice cream and listening to Adele all day while looking at photos of your boyfriend. I believe that it is better to miss someone in a positive way. For example when you go on a trip and realize that you miss walking those streets with the person you love, or when you’re eating a meal that you know he really likes or when you go partying and they start playing his favourite song. When you learn to miss positively, you don’t stop enjoying the experience but enjoy your half of it.
My intention is not to idealize what a long distance relationship means, actually I know people that have broken up after a five-year relationship at the beginning of their Erasmus. Anyway, being separated from your boyfriend is bullshit, but sometimes it reminds you of how much you really love the person.
The key is finding the right balance, appreciating details and feeding the relationship naturally everyday – which includes speaking to him when you really fancy it. You must take advantage of the moments with each other and enjoy the opportunity to discover a new city together. And the most important thing: support each other in the weakest moments. During the Erasmus experience, the situation is always more difficult for the person who stays, which means that the one who leaves has to try to make the feeling of distance only be a physical and not a mental one.
It’s clear that an Erasmus doesn’t only include kilometres of distance; it’s an exceptional situation that can generate an imbalance of the relationship. But sometimes people blame all the problems they already had on this experience. I believe that stepping out of our comfort zone allows us to see our lives from another perspective, to make us realize the bad things we want to change and appreciate the good ones that we want to keep. Erasmus is not a year in your life, it is your life in a year and you choose with whom to live it. I would choose my boyfriend over and over again.